Love yourself first

I used to have a lot of expectations toward my partner. Knowing me, he insisted on how I should take time to work on myself. I always thought that I was a confident woman but I was only pretending to be. Today, I do love myself and my story, and I can say that I am ready to love him right, just like he deserves. Loving myself makes me able to love him with no conditions. Loving my scars and mistakes makes me understand that I should love him for who he really is too.

You must love yourself first before you can fully receive the love of another person.

Walking alone at night

I don’t know why but I don’t always feel safe when I am walking alone. The worst is that I love taking shortcuts. The sooner I get home better it is. But during the night, shortcuts are not really used by normal people. I guess I am not normal.

The craziest part is that I am scared. Not scared of the dark itself but scared of what it can hide.And I still walk in the dark after school, after work because I think that I should be able to walk alone without being scared of someone attacking me. Sometimes, I force myself to walk in those shortcuts because for me it is like an other way of facing my fear that should not even be.

Raped and killed

What are we waiting for? People around the world are getting raped and killed for some, and all we do is stay quiet. As a rape survivor, I don’t know how I can keep my mouth shut after keeping it a secret for too long. I was ashamed of what happened to me. Some got raped and killed on spot, and here I am. Sorry, here we are. I know that I am not alone and not the only one who have been abused in the past. So let’s work together for those who will never have the chance to speak again.

The society should stop thinking that the victim has something to do with what happened. THE RAPIST IS AND WILL ALWAYS BE THE PROBLEM, NOT THE VICTIM.

Face yourself

For many years, I have lied to myself and people around me about who I really am. I faked it so good that I actually believed in my own acting.

I am the kind of person who loves to smile but growing up that smile started to hide a lot of pain. More I was hurt, more I would smile. I always had a smile in my face even if deep inside I was crying like a big baby. I guess people got used to that smile so they never questionned me about my life. Because for them, I looked happy but I wasn’t. I knew I was not happy and I knew that I was not myself but I had no idea of who I really was. I never have faced myself. I actually never had the courage to do it because facing myself would mean facing my past, the scars, the bad memories and it was just so hard for me. But today I thank God for that special person He blessed me with that made me realized that if I want to get through it, I’ll need to face myself and accept my past. I first thought that he was kind of hard on me and had no compassion, but he told me exactly what I needed to heal and not what I wanted to hear. After that, I wanted to be able to face myself too. I wanted to know myself better. I started by looking at myself in the mirror and talking about my life story. Everytime I did it, I cried and felt so much better after. Seeing myself in the mirror while talking about my past just made me realized that I have been through a lot of pain but I am still here. It made me realized that I am stronger that I thought I was. That I have been focusing on the wrong stuff, on things I couldn’t change. Since, all I want is to be a better version of myself. Facing myself was so new for me but it felt so good and right. We all have to be thankful for the people we have around us that make sure we get the love and support we need. Because what we want it is not always what we actually need.

The healing process can be harder than what you are trying to heal from but it is worth it. 💓

I’ll never be the same

I remember when I used to miss the old me. She died in 2013, when some guy decided to take my life away from me without killing me. I used to wish I was dead so I wouldn’t have to deal with the scars, memories and life itself. I always knew that I would never be the same but I never thought that it could be something good. After many years of depression, I never thought that I would be able to stand back up. And here I am, trying my best to be the last hope in someone’s life because I know how it feels to be hopeless, desperate and depressed. I used to love life just like I got to a point where I wanted to end my life. But today, I thank God for my life, my breath and the second chance He gave me. So the least I can do is to stand up for those who never had the chance to have a second chance to life. Just like I need to speak up even if my own voice shakes.

So let me tell that I am far from what I used to be and I love it! I am just so proud of the woman I am becoming. It won’t make sense for me today to ignore my past knowing that it is the reason why I am who I am and I do what I love to do.

We all have to stay strong and trust the process. Yes, after everything you’ve been through you will NEVER be the same and that is the point. 😉